Alex's Asteroid Astrology

On August 3^rd, 2024, aspiring Olympian Anthony Ammirati coined a whole new meaning for the term “cockblocked” after failing to qualify for a pole vault event when his penis collided with the bar on the way down, knocking it to the ground (the bar, not his penis).  The embarrassing footage of the phallic fail immediately went viral, and though Olympic authorities later confirmed that Ammirati would have been disqualified regardless, as other, less intimate portions of his anatomy had touched the bar prior to its dickish dislodgment, there was no stopping the cock-a-hoop hilarity that ensued.  The French athlete, with no apparent irony, later described the incident as “a big disappointment.”  Cheer up, Anthony – a manly manhood has its compensations! 

The incident was one of the highlights (or lowlights) of the 33^rd Olympiad, the Summer Olympics held in Paris, France, beginning July 26^th.  With asteroid Olympus 22754 (root of Olympic) at 7 Sagittarius in stationary stance, trine the 11 Leo Sun and turning direct two days after its opening, and asteroid Olympiada 1022 (named specifically for the international games) at 16 Taurus in square, the cosmos was appropriately mindful of the event.  With 206 countries participating, as well as a team composed of refugees from various nations, the Olympics is perhaps the best exemplar of a truly multinational endeavor that engages audiences worldwide, in a positive spirit of global community.

Of course the Olympics are always focused on winners, and with asteroid Paris 3317 at 27 Aries, locked in a T-Square with asteroid Victoria 12 (named for the Roman goddess of victory) opposed from 20 Libra and asteroid Nike 307 (named for Victoria’s Greek precursor) on its fulcrum at 25 Cancer, the 2024 games are no exception.

But I’d like to take this opportunity to laud the losers, those seminal members of teams hailing from pole to pole, who train hard and long to qualify, only to come prematurely to defeat, before actually finding satisfaction in completion of their goal.  OK, I think we’ve crammed enough double entendres in that line to proceed with our tale.

That a penile protuberance might result in the agony of defeat at these games is foreshadowed by a cluster of points in the 33^rd Olympics chart, extending from asteroid NOT 2857 (a general disqualifier or symbol of negation) at 10 Libra through asteroids Dong 150520, Victoria (winning) and Dick 17458 at 19, 20 and 26 Libra (with Dong and Dick both popular penis euphemisms).  The suggestion is that victory (Victoria) could be withheld or denied (both NOT) by a male sex organ (Dong, Dick), and Anthony Ammirati was just the poor schmuck that got caught in the cosmic crossfire.  Perhaps, had an asteroid astrologer given him the heads-up, prophylactic measures could have been taken.

That he might rise to prominence at this Olympics is seen in the Sun’s close opposition to asteroid Antonia 272 at 10 Aquarius, placing Anthony (the feminine version Antonia is closest to that name) Ammirati in the spotlight (Sun).  But spotlights can be good or bad, depending what they illuminate, and the rationale for Ammirati’s rapidly swollen public profile is also seen here, as asteroid Johnson 5905 (another common penis euphemism), conjunct Antonia and opposed the Sun from 5 Aquarius.  At the periphery of Antonia’s grasp, but well within scope of Johnson, is Pluto at 0 Aquarius, ruling generative organs and devastating outcomes.

Additional markers of penis-related catastrophe abound.  To begin, asteroid Wiener 18182 (also a penis slang synonym) at 27 Pisces conjoins Neptune, which often brings disappointment in its wake, at 29 Pisces.  Wiener is also sesquiquadrate the Sun and semisquare Antonia, identifying Ammirati once again as the recipient of hard luck.

As well, asteroid Pecker 1629 at 29 Taurus conjoins Uranus at 26 Taurus, suggesting something shocking, startling or controversial (Uranus) involving the male member (Pecker being yet another peepee placeholder).  The conjunction squares Mercury at 3 Virgo with asteroid Nemesis 128 at 1 Virgo, propelling Ammirati’s self-created undoing (Nemesis) into the news (Mercury).

However, Nemesis isn’t content with its square to Pecker to warn of impending genitalia-related disaster.  It also reaches out handily in a semisquare to asteroid Dong at 19 Libra; an inconjunct to asteroid Johnson at 5 Aquarius; and another inconjunct to asteroid Wiener at 27 Pisces.

But perhaps the biggest waving red flag that penile pandemonium might ensue is the stationary status of asteroid Hitchcock 7032, which at 17 Sagittarius is trine the Sun and turned direct on August 4^th, the day after the tragic incident.  And indeed, there was a snag in the proceedings (AKA, a “hitch”), provided by a penis (colloquially, a “cock”).  Unfortunately for him, Anthony Ammirati was tailor-made to carry this banner:  incredibly, asteroid Hitchcock is also at station in his birth chart!

Born 16 July 2003 (no time available), Ammirati’s Hitchcock at 21 Scorpio turned direct on the 7^th, exactly squared natal Jupiter at 21 Leo, which brings fame, celebrity, and sometimes, notoriety (also ruling sports competitions and international events).  Hitchcock is also squared a grouping of asteroid Pecker, Neptune and Damocles 5335, at 9, 12 and 15 Aquarius, indicative of a major disappointment (Neptune) and looming disaster dangling unawares overhead (Damocles), based in his penis (Pecker). 

Hitchcock’s relevance to this particular competition is seen in its placement at the Apex of a Thor’s Hammer, a fated pattern similar to a Yod, with sesquiquadrate aspects to asteroid Olympus at 5 Aries and a pairing of Saturn with asteroid Paris at 5 and 7 Cancer, with these base points squared each other.  Saturn represents career matters, but also can obstruct, limit or deny.  An additional T-Square from these to asteroids Dong and Dick at 7 and 14 Libra reinforces the sense that an unruly penis (Dong, Dick) is at the heart of Ammirati’s experience of the 2024 Paris (Paris) Olympics (Olympus) as the highlight of his career (Saturn).

Also at station is asteroid Johnson, which at 14 Pisces turned retrograde the very day of Ammirati’s birth, affirming the importance of all things penis to his biography.  Johnson is accompanied by Mars, ruling athletes and competitions, at 9 Pisces, and disqualifying asteroid NOT at 4 Pisces.  Moreover, Johnson’s primary field of action is defined by an opposition to asteroids Olympia 582 and Olympiada at 12 and 17 Virgo, which were conjoined by transit asteroid Olympia at 13 Virgo for the start of the games (so Ammirati was in the throes of an Olympia Return at the time).  Natal Olympiada is also conjoined by asteroid Wiener at 25 Virgo, itself closely opposed by transit Wiener at 27 Pisces for the event.

As in the transit sky, so in the birth chart:  asteroid Nemesis at 21 Sagittarius warns of dire consequences to follow if the penis is not sufficiently managed, seen in its semisquare to asteroid Pecker at 9 Aquarius, and squares to asteroids Wiener at 25 Virgo and Johnson at 14 Pisces.  Nemesis further combines with asteroid Victoria at 12 Sagittarius and Pluto at 17 Sag, suggesting a devastating (Pluto) roadblock (Nemesis) to winning (Victoria), related to genitals (also Pluto).  Note also that natal Pluto is exactly where transit Hitchcock made its station as the burgeoning incident unfurled.  Ouch!

2024 could have been Anthony Ammirati’s year, with transit Nike at 25 Cancer conjoined his natal Sun/Antonia conjunction at 23 and 25 Cancer, and transit Victoria at 20 Libra in square, also squared by natal Nike at 18 Aries, forming a synastric T-Square that strongly encouraged victory.  This could have put him over the top, were it not for the flop. 

But to all dark clouds there is a silver lining.  Celebrity gossip site TMZ reports that a California adult film company, CamSoda, has offered Anthony Ammirati a $250,000 payoff in exchange for a 60-minute webcam appearance in the buff.  Strangely, this turn of events can be seen in the placement of asteroid Smuts 1731, a euphemism for porn, at 10 Leo for the start of the Paris Games, conjunct the Sun and exactly opposed Antonia.  I guess when life gives you lingams, make lingamade.