trump thoughtful

Trump Reshuffles the Cabinet – Again!

In a stunning announcement from the “Winter White House” at Mar-a-Lago, Donald Trump has scrapped the entire Cabinet in one fell swoop. The political spring cleaning began with the Department of Veterans Affairs, where Trump had already fired Secretary David Shulkin, nominating White House doctor Ronny Jackson in his place.


But during the Easter brunch, Trump had a better idea:  “On second thoughts, I’m not sure Ronny is qualified. What this position requires is extraordinary organizational skills, and it suddenly hit me this morning. The Easter Bunny! He’s been producing great results for centuries, not only hiding eggs and candy for all the world’s Christian children, but hard-boiling and dyeing them as well!”

trump easter bunny2

Trump with the newest Cabinet member: “Don’t laugh, Mattis – you’re next!”

Trump’s choice was written in the stars, with asteroid Rabbit at 29 Aquarius conjunct Trump’s natal Ophelia, indicating mental derangement, and exactly on his Descendant, as he forges a new relationship with his Cabinet generally.  After officiating at Monday’s White House Easter Egg Roll, the Easter Bunny (whose real name is Fluffy O’Hare) will immediately take the reins at the VA. But Trump isn’t done there.


“It got me thinking; why not use more mythic figures? They have proven track records, and are at least as reality-based as I am.” Trump developed his thoughts with New York Times reporter Maggie Haberman, a frequent confidante, over a Reese’s’ peanut butter egg latte. “I’m none too pleased with Ben [Carson] at Housing Under Development [sic – the department’s actual name is “Housing and Urban development”], and I’m thinking maybe the Big Bad Wolf for that. He’s got tons of experience with various building materials.”  Asteroid Lupine at 25 Aries trines Trump’s natal Moon, ruling domestic environments, and is conjoined by transit Uranus, indicating the out-of-the-box choice.

 Big Bad Wolf

The Big Bad Wolf goes to HUD – almost as much of a blowhard as Trump.

Warming to his theme, President Trump expounded upon other likely nominees. “The Tooth Fairy for HHS [Health and Human Services department] – and let’s make dental care for seniors a priority in 2018; I have this really troublesome molar (and I loved him in “San Andreas”).”  Asteroids Dentin and Rock were conjunct the Sun for Trump’s revelatory disclosures.

tooth fairy

The Tooth Fairy for HHS – dental care for seniors a top priority.

“And I’m switching out [General] Mattis at Defense – I want a Wall, not just da Fence! Cupid has the best weapons training, he should do well there,” opined Trump, whose natal asteroid Eros, named for the Greek version of Cupid, squares Mars, ruling the military, with transit Eros conjoined Saturn, ruling Department heads.


Superb weapons tactician Cupid, bound for Defense

Trump continued, “but I’m thinking of putting Humpty Dumpty at Homeland Security for the border issues – he has actual wall experience!”  Asteroid Omelet squares Mars in Trump’s birth chart, but you have to crack a few eggs to make a Cabinet.

humpty dumpty

Who better for Homeland Security than Humpty Dumpty?

Among other mooted changes is the Road Runner for Transportation (“He’s just so fast, you know – beep, beep! We’ve got to get high speed rail!”); asteroid Looneytunes conjoins Trump’s Midheaven and is semisquare natal Mercury, ruling cars and transportation.  (Oddly, Looneytunes also opposes asteroid Coyote, which conjoins asteroid Acme in Trump’s nativity.)

road runner

High speed rail is tops on the new Transportation Secretary’s agenda.

Scrooge McDuck  will helm Treasury (“That quack can really pinch a penny!”);  Asteroid Dickens conjoins Trump’s natal Venus/Saturn combination, a sure sign of fiscal responsibility.

scrooge mcduck

At Treasury – Scrooge McDuck – no more deficit spending!

Paul Bunyan will lead at Interior (“Who knows more about hardwoods?”).  Asteroid Blueox is sextile Trump’s natal Sun.

paul bunyan

Paul Bunyan bestrides the Department of the Interior like a colossus.

Trump is also mulling Santa Claus as joint Secretary of both Commerce and Labor (“Holiday spending is a major driver of the economy, and he’s gotten those elves to work for nothing!”)  Natal Santa is squared Saturn and quintile natal Jupiter.


santa claus

Santa is so fat and jolly, he’s perfect for two Cabinet Departments, Commerce and Labor.


Asked if he had any plans to dismiss current Chief of Staff John Kelly, Trump replied, “Not just now. I had considered the Wicked Witch of the West Wing, but Kellyanne turned me down.”



Alex Miller is a professional writer and astrologer, author of The Black Hole Book, detailing deep space points in astrological interpretation, and the forthcoming Heaven on Earth, a comprehensive study of asteroids, both mythic and personal. Alex is a frequent contributor to “The Mountain Astrologer”, “Daykeeper Journal”, and NCGR’s Journals and “Enews Commentary”; his work has also appeared in “Aspects” magazine, “Dell Horoscope”, “Planetwaves”, “Neptune Café” and “Sasstrology.” He is a past president of Philadelphia Astrological Society, and a former board member for the Philadelphia Chapter of NCGR.

4 comments, add yours.


Great read!! What a wonderful cabinet that would be…in comparison!! Thanks for the chuckles! You are so creative! And…I also like your serious asteroid articles.

    Alex Miller


    thanks, Judith – glad you enjoyed it.

Sheri Horn Hasan

Egads, Rabbit @29 Aquarius is exact conjunct my natal Mars and opposite my natal Pluto! Does this mean I want to kill him or that he wants to kill me? (Though not Christian, I always loved the colored eggs, especially when the neighborhood group included my brother & I in the annual Easter egg hunt!) What should I do? 😉

    Alex Miller


    check for your Ixion placement – if it contacts Rabbit, you are the killer! :^)

Leave a comment