Alex's Asteroid Astrology

South Dakota Governor and 2024 Republican Vice-Presidential nominee hopeful Kristi Noem was splashed across the news in late April, when an advance copy of her new book, “No Going Back” was obtained by The Guardian.  In it, Noem recounts the story of how she executed her 14-month-old wirehaired pointer puppy Cricket, after she had proved herself to be irrepressibly joyful and an inadequate hunting dog.  Two being better than one, Noem went on to slay a family goat that was smelly and had been annoying her and her children with head butts.

It’s well known that Donald Trump, the presumptive 2024 GOP nominee, has a general dislike of dogs, so perhaps Noem, rumored to be on the top of his short list as running mate, decided the grisly anecdote might appeal to her potential boss, and thought it could give her a leg up.  What she didn’t count on was the appalled reaction of 65 million American dog-owner households.

Look – we get it:  the animal wasn’t working out.  But most owners, when faced with a poorly trained dog, don’t haul out the arsenal and go to town.  Perhaps surrender for adoption might have been an option?  Or at a minimum, compassionate euthanization by a vet.  But in Trump’s America, the cruelty is the point, and Noem may have felt she needed to burnish her bona fides in that area.

The end of Noem’s patience with Cricket came on a hunting outing, after she ran wildly through the underbrush, chasing pheasants meant to be shot, and “having the time of her life,” as Noem describes it.  On the way home, Noem paused to visit with another farm family, Cricket escaped from her vehicle and ran amok among their chickens, killing several with “pure joy” by biting their necks, discarding them, and bounding on to the next.

“I hated that dog,” recalled Noem, who found the puppy “untrainable” and “less than worthless” as “a hunting dog.”  “At that moment I realized I had to put her down.”  So she took Cricket home, led her to a gravel pit, and shot her dead.  Squashed like the bug she was named for.  By then the bloodlust was up (and unsated by the abortive pheasant-killing outing Cricket had ruined), so she took the opportunity to kill an offending goat she considered “disgusting, musky, rancid,” “nasty and mean.”  She took the goat to the same pit, but it lurched as she shot, and survived the first bullet, and lay there struggling for life.  So Noem went back to her truck to reload, returned, and finally offed it.

Seriously?  Noem writes in her book that the tale was included to show her willingness to do anything “difficult, messy and ugly” if it has to be done.  Social media backlash was instantaneous after the story broke on Friday the 26^th, and by Sunday Noem felt she had to defend herself, posting to her X account:  “We love animals, but tough decisions like this happen all the time on a farm.  Sadly, we just had to put down 3 horses a few weeks ago that had been in our family for 25 years.”  She didn’t specify the means used to ease their suffering – was it a lethal injection administered by a veterinarian, or just three more shots to the head to increase her kill count?

As revolting as this individual’s actions are, it seems she would make the perfect running mate for Donald Trump.  But the outraged response to this sordid tale, from both sides of the political aisle, makes it seem that, if ever Kristi Noem is identified with the term “goat,” it won’t be for the acronym GOAT, “Greatest of All Time.”

Sadly, even this macedoine of merciless mammalian mayhem is depicted in the stars.

Born 30 November 1971 (no time available), Kristi Noem looks at first blush like any other individual on the planet, with PNAs (Personal-Named Asteroids) representing her, appearing in connection to the Sun, Moon, Ascendant or Mercury (as ruling the naming function).  The 7 Sagittarius Sun conjoins asteroid Christa 1015 at 11 Sagittarius, one of two asteroid approximations for “Kristi.”  (The other is asteroid Kristan 183560, which at 23 Gemini opposes Mercury at 27 Sagittarius, so even though we don’t know her Ascendant or Moon degree, Noem fits the pattern nonetheless.) 

Born Krista Lynn Arnold, asteroid Lynn 4358 also conjoins the Sun, from 10 Sagittarius, while asteroid Arnolda 1018 at 0 Leo (for maiden name Arnold) appears embedded at station, indicating prime importance in her character or biography, trine the Sun (and turning retrograde November 22^nd).  Her married surname of Noem is represented by asteroid Noemi 703, which at 20 Aries is also stationary, turning direct just four days before her birth, sesquiquadrate the Sun.

You might think this dog-and-goat-killing story is just too bizarre for celestial commemoration, but you’d be wrong.  Amazingly, Noem has definite markers for public identification with the incident, based in her PNA Christa.  At 11 Sagittarius, Christa is exactly conjoined by markers for both animals she executed:  asteroid Dogen 11064 (for dog) and asteroid Caprera 479 (named for an Italian island which is itself so-called because of the preponderance of goats upon it, with capra the Italian for “goat”).  To see such self-identification with her animal victims is truly astonishing!

But the cosmos isn’t content to bear witness to the importance of just any mere dog in Noem’s life.  Asteroid Crick 12845 (for Cricket) opposes the Sun and the Christa triple conjunction from 13 Gemini, making this puppy a defining feature for Noem.  That opposition forms a T-Square with asteroid Requiem 2254 on the fulcrum, at 19 Virgo, a point named for the funeral mass for the dead. 

Moreover, Crick appears at the Apex of a precise Yod pattern, or Finger of Destiny, with exact inconjunct aspects to asteroids Nemesis 128 at 13 Capricorn and Doga 10504 at 13 Scorpio, exactly sextile each other.  Nemesis represents ruin or destruction, and Doga is another celestial stand-in for dog.  The “fated” quality of the Yod asserts that Crick(et) has a powerful role to play in how Noem’s life plays out.

A pattern with this much exactitude just cries out for manifestation, however unfortunate or tragic, and the connection to Noem’s own PNA (opposing Crick, forming a so-called “Boomerang Yod”) makes it self-defining.  As well, cojoining Nemesis is asteroid Rip at 10 Capricorn, signaling that the destruction comes specifically in the form of a death (as in the acronym RIP, “Rest In Peace”).  Further confirmation of the means to bring about this death is seen in Nemesis’ square to asteroid Gunn 18243 (homophone of “gun”) at 20 Libra, trine Crick.  And finally, Crick is exactly squared natal Mars at 13 Gemini, ruling firearms and violent death (as well as the avowed emotion of hate which Noem professed for the creature).

Noem’s related role in the goat’s demise is foreshadowed by that Gunn, exactly opposed asteroid Noem at 20 Aries, in a Grand Cross with asteroid Nemesis and asteroid Cabrera 2997 (Spanish for goatherd) at 22 Cancer.  Asteroid Caprara 10928, Italian for goat pasture or enclosure, appears at 24 Scorpio, conjoined asteroid Lachesis 120 at 21 Scorpio, named for the mythic Greek Fate who determines the span of life, the role Noem performed for her (unnamed) goat.  Caprara is also exactly squared asteroid Osiris 1923 at 24 Aquarius, named for the Egyptian god of the dead.

Kristi Noem has several other points at station in her birth chart, including asteroid Anubis 1912, named for the Egyptian deity governing funerary rites, which at 5 Leo turned retrograde the day after her birth, making Noem potentially an agent of death in whatever form. 

Also at station, asteroid Cori 6175, which might refer to Corey Lewandowski, a former 2016 Trump campaign official who has been advising Noem since 2019.  In September 2023, the Daily Mail published an expose alleging a years-long affair between the two, which was not initially denied by the “God-fearing” governor (though the governor later disputed the charge).  Two weeks later, Lewandowski, described as an “unpaid volunteer,” was cut loose from Noem’s orbit, after allegedly propositioning a donor’s wife at a fundraiser.  Asteroid Cori at 5 Aries turned direct on November 18^th, and is semisquare to asteroid Aphrodite 1388 at 18 Aquarius, named for Venus’ Greek counterpart and associated more with affairs than long-term commitments.  Its stationary status suggests that Corey’s “advice” may have penetrated deeply.

Noem’s attraction for conservatism generally and a career focus on government work in an executive capacity (formerly both a state and US Representative, currently South Dakota governor) is portrayed by the Sun’s opposition to Saturn at 2 Gemini, and a trine from there to asteroid South Dakota 26715 at 11 Aquarius shows support (trine) for her gubernatorial runs and status as her state’s chief executive (Saturn). 

Noem certainly has presidential aspirations as well, as noted by the final stationary point in her nativity, asteroid Whitehouse 4036, which at 21 Aries closely conjoins asteroid Noemi at 20 Aries, and turned direct December 11^th, but already inhabits its station degree.  With that combination, it’s easy for Noem to see herself (Noemi) at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue (Whitehouse), but whether or not others do so is an open question.

Noem’s affinity for Trump can be seen in asteroid Troemper 28130 (our celestial referent for The Donald), which at 12 Sagittarius conjoins both her 7 Sag Sun and Christa at 11 Sag, binding Noem and Trump in some sense, perhaps as an influential supporter, perhaps as running mate.  Stationary bodies can become the lodestars of our existence, and Noem’s gravitational pull to the Oval Office was underscored by a total Solar Eclipse at 19 Aries on April 8^th, 2024, conjoined Whitehouse, to be followed by an exact hit to that point at the subsequent Solar Eclipse on October 14^th, just weeks before the November election. 

This certainly explains the buzz around Noem’s supposed candidacy for the GOP VP slot, but the dog-killing story may have put a crimp in that expectation.  When the news broke on April 26^th, Noem was cosmically spotlighted, with the highlighting Sun at 6 Taurus at the fulcrum of a T-Square with asteroids Christa at 9 Aquarius and Crick at 5 Leo.  Seeing Christa and Crick, killer and victim, linked and highlighted in such a way at such a time, is truly a testament to the impeccable timing of the cosmos.

Note that Crick exactly conjoins the natal stationary Anubis (death), a jackal-headed god, with jackals in the same family as domestic canines.  It is also sandwiched between transit asteroid Nemesis (destruction) at 29 Capricorn and asteroid Kristan (Noem) at 13 Leo, itself conjoined by asteroid Toro 1685 at 17 Leo, a point noted for brutal, aggressive behaviors.  Kristan further appears at station (turning direct April 10^th), signaling a pivotal turning point for Noem is in the offing.

As well, Christa is accompanied by Pluto (modern ruler of death) at 2 Aquarius, asteroid Osiris (death) at 1 Aquarius, and asteroid America 916 at 3 Aquarius.  The nation (America) was certainly paying attention to this take of doggy (Crick) death (Pluto/Osiris).  Trump gets in on the act as well, as asteroid Troemper, conjoined the Sun from 5 Taurus (Troemper has been traveling with the Sun in an extended conjunction from April Fool’s Day through May 17^th, as his high-profile hush money trial plays out in Manhattan). Also with the Sun is asteroid Gunn at 0 Taurus, highlighting the story of Cricket’s shooting.

Not to be ignored, the goat makes his appearance also, as asteroid Caprera, which at 2 Virgo is embedded at station, turning direct April 19^th, a week before the story broke.  Caprera is conjoined transit asteroid Noemi at 29 Leo, directly linking Noem with her second victim, both points trine the Sun, for further visibility.  Asteroid Cabrera (goatherd) at 29 Aries also conjoins the Sun, with asteroid Doga (dog) and Mercury (news) right behind, at 19 and 16 Aries respectively.  Asteroid Requiem at 11 Aries, named for the funeral mass for the dead, completes the “newsy dog death” theme. 

Asterid South Dakota is at station from 18 Sagittarius, also turning retrograde April 10^th, same day as Noemi, reinforcing the about-face in the Mount Rushmore State’s (South Dakota) governor’s (Noemi) fortunes.  Lastly, an exact pairing of asteroids Arnolda with Atropos 273 (named for the Fate who severs the thread of life at death) falls at 12 Gemini, just one degree shy of Noem’s natal asteroid Crick.

Another phenomenal example of “As above, so below,” with potentially nationwide implications for presidential politics.