Page 6 Archives - Page 3 of 34 - Alex's Asteroid Astrology

August 9th, 2024 at 08:56am by Alex Miller

Asteroid Sleuth: The Case of the Baneful Bulge

On August 3^rd, 2024, aspiring Olympian Anthony Ammirati coined a whole new meaning for the term “cockblocked” after failing to qualify for a pole vault event when his penis collided with the bar on the way down, knocking it to the ground (the bar, not his penis). The embarrassing footage of the phallic fail immediately went viral, and though Olympic authorities later confirmed that Ammirati would have been disqualified regardless, as other, less intimate portions of his anatomy had touched the bar prior to its dickish dislodgment, there was no stopping the cock-a-hoop hilarity that ensued. The French athlete, with no apparent irony, later described the incident as “a big disappointment.” Cheer up, Anthony – a manly manhood has its compensations!

August 5th, 2024 at 09:44am by Alex Miller

Asteroid Sleuth: The Case of the Molested Monument

Italians in Florence were livid after disturbing footage went viral on the internet, of a female tourist simulating sexual acts with a statue of Bacchus, Roman god of wine and revelry, in the streets of Firenze, as the city is known locally. A fully dressed blonde had mounted the plinth that holds a copy of the original sculpture by Giambologna, kissing it lasciviously, then miming fellatio and penetration from the rear. Outraged locals have been outspoken in their condemnation of the incident, revealed in grainy still shots that were captured from the internet, but authorities have not been able to identify the tourist or her friend who took the pictures.

July 30th, 2024 at 09:39am by Alex Miller

Grim Reaper Album: What I Did on My Summer Vacation

Despite the title, the Grim Reaper has seemingly been working overtime this July, with a spate of celebrity deaths mid-month that have gone largely unnoticed in the midst of the political maelstrom of a presidential election summer. It’s actually been open season on the rich and famous for months, with Jupiter, planet of fame and celebrity, linking arms with two asteroids that indicate mortality: Lachesis 120 and Libitina 2546. Lachesis is named for the mythic Greek Fate who determines the span of life, while Libitina’s namesake is the Roman goddess of funerals and burial.

July 28th, 2024 at 01:16pm by Alex Miller

Garden Glimpses: Joyous Julily!

Here at the old homestead, we’ve officially rechristened July as “Julily,” in honor of those fabulous daylilies that dominate the month. In tones both hot and cool, daylilies explode with color all month long, fleeting markers of a fleeting season of bounty and fruitfulness. Every day the pattern changes, highlighting now this variety, now that, as early, mid- and late-season bloomers come into flower, reach peak and fade away. This fecundity is staggering, but it’s everywhere at this time of year. Tomatoes, corn on the cob, green and yellow squashes, string and wax beans, all cram the local farmers’ markets, and in the garden the profusion is just as lush.

July 3rd, 2024 at 02:55pm by Alex Miller

Garden Glimpses: The Middling Time

Ah, June! That middling month ‘twixt spring and summer, not properly belonging to either, albeit the time when summer officially begins. Spring is a distant memory, but summer’s promise has not yet come to full fruition. As the month commences, there’s a sea of green in the garden, punctuated at odd intervals by a stray splash of color. But as July dawns, more and more of the landscape unfolds into the panoply of tones, both fiery and cooling, which will dominate the next six weeks, until August’s mid-month slump robs us of nature’s palette once again.

June 27th, 2024 at 09:23am by Alex Miller

Asteroid Sleuth: The Case of the Downsized Don

At 3:30 PM EDT on the afternoon of 12 June 2024, 86-year-old Anthony “Tony Cakes” Conigliaro walked into the crossing at 92^nd Street and Dahlgren Place in Brooklyn, NY, against a “Do Not Walk” sign. He never made it across. At least, parts of him did, but Tony Cakes was struck by a local Department of Transportation truck turning the corner, crushed and decapitated, with his severed head lying several yards away from his crumpled body.