Salacia Archives - Alex's Asteroid Astrology

November 24th, 2024 at 09:35am by Alex Miller

Barbarians at the Gaetz

Donald Trump’s post-electoral Retribution Tour hit a snag on November 21^st, when Attorney General nominee Matt Gaetz suddenly withdrew from consideration in the wake of some GOP-generated heat in defiance of his candidacy. Withdrawal is something Gaetz knows a bit about, with the primary scandal in which he’s embroiled involving his attendance at drug-fueled sex parties with underage partners.

Trump nominated Gaetz, himself a subject of a years-long federal criminal investigation and a House Ethics Committee report, on November 13^th, along with a spate of controversial nominees, such as Fox & Friends weekend anchor Pete Hegseth for Defense; Bashar Al-Assad and Vladimir Putin apologist Tulsi Gabbard as Director of National Intelligence; and vaccine skeptic and conspiracy theorist extraordinaire Robert F. Kennedy Jr to head Health and Human Services. If these choices seem “out-of-the-box,” consider that asteroid Troemper 2813 at 11 Leo (our celestial referent for The Donald) is currently travelling arm-in-arm with asteroid Pandora 55 at 10 Leo, noted mythically as the hapless naif who, against good advice, opened a box containing all the evils of the world, thus releasing them. Archetypally, there are no cosmic accidents.

November 16th, 2024 at 12:53pm by Alex Miller

Scandal in the Cathedral: The Resignation of Justin Welby

On 12 November, 2024 Justin Welby, Archbishop of Canterbury and spiritual leader of the 85-million souls in the global Anglican Communion, resigned after a Church of England investigation report was released, which found that he failed in his duty to tell police about serial physical, psychological and sexual abuse by a staff member at the Iwerne Christian summer camps, as soon as he was made aware of it. The scandal had been building for nearly a week after the report’s release, with calls for accountability from Welby increasing daily.

September 23rd, 2024 at 09:01am by Alex Miller

Sean “Diddy” Combs Arrested

On 17 September 2024, rapper and recording mogul Sean “Diddy” Combs (AKA Puffy, Puff, and Puff Daddy, at various points in his career) was arrested on federal charges of racketeering conspiracy, sex trafficking, and transportation to engage in prostitution. The charges largely stem from Combs’ infamous “freak-offs,” coerced sex acts performed by sex workers which Combs allegedly orchestrated and filmed, in marathon sessions lasting for days, fueled by drugs which kept performers compliant. Combs has been denied bail as a flight risk, and remains incarcerated.

August 5th, 2024 at 09:44am by Alex Miller

Asteroid Sleuth: The Case of the Molested Monument

Italians in Florence were livid after disturbing footage went viral on the internet, of a female tourist simulating sexual acts with a statue of Bacchus, Roman god of wine and revelry, in the streets of Firenze, as the city is known locally. A fully dressed blonde had mounted the plinth that holds a copy of the original sculpture by Giambologna, kissing it lasciviously, then miming fellatio and penetration from the rear. Outraged locals have been outspoken in their condemnation of the incident, revealed in grainy still shots that were captured from the internet, but authorities have not been able to identify the tourist or her friend who took the pictures.

April 26th, 2024 at 03:35pm by Alex Miller

A Pecker in the Hand Is Worth Two in the Box

The witness box, that is. And the pecker in question is David Pecker, National Enquirer publisher, long-time Trump friend and political ally, and currently exhibit A in the Manhattan DA’s criminal case against the former US president. Everybody knew that Pecker, once he’d gone soft on Trump, was gonna spew, but nobody knew how hard he could make it for The Donald. (And that’s the last of the cheap double entendres you’ll get from me in this article. Maybe.)

June 26th, 2023 at 09:07am by Alex Miller

Masturbating Teen & Family Murdered

A bizarre story emerged on Father’s Day 2023 in Kellogg, Idaho, where a 31-year-old father of two shot dead his 18-year-old neighbor, for masturbating fully nude in front of his bedroom window. Majorjon Kaylor told police he “snapped” after seeing Devin Smith swinging and stroking his penis in full view of Kaylor’s wife and young daughters. Police were called and interviewed the recent high school graduate after the masturbation incident on June 13, telling Kaylor afterward that charges would be filed.